Though I deem them somewhat vain, I’ve been fascinated by personality tests since taking an online Myer’s Briggs test earlier this year. Then over the weekend I explored the Enneagram personality test. I spent hours of my weekend reading about and listening to podcasts trying to describe who I am and what motivates me. Was I actually learning something or just navel gazing? I do think I came up with an excuse not to meditate. Turns out meditation doesn’t suit my personality.
Nothing I learned came as a surprise. In the Enneagram world I’m a One: the Perfectionist (or more endearingly the Reformer). What does that mean? Apparently, I have pretty strong ethics and want to make the world a better place. In my attempt to achieve these goals I keep myself busy, am OCD (or maybe we can call this organized), can be very critical, set high ideals for myself and others, and I may never learn to meditate—the very gift that might most help me improve the world.
The Perfectionist
As a “Perfectionist” I create lists like they are going out of style. Each night I sit down and write a to-do list that is impossible to achieve in a day. You couldn’t complete a third of my list in a day, but each night I knowingly prepare myself for failure before I begin. I sleep with a notepad by my bed to record additional ideas that bombard my brain. If I wake up and can’t write a thought down, I can’t fall asleep.
Enneagram Ones are apparently the OCD number. They see where everything is wrong and how it can be improved. Everything is out of place if it’s not where they irrationally deem it should be. I’m much happier when my home is in order. I’m constantly trying to organize a very chaotic world. On laundry day if after everything is put away I discover a filthy sock that missed the wash cycle it will nag at me. I have to work to tell myself that soon more dirty clothes will be in the bin and the single sock won’t seem so catastrophic. I remind myself that I do laundry weekly so the world won’t be out of place forever. Most people pick up the sock and toss it in the bin or don’t even notice it. Errant socks are so obvious to me I went years before I realized this wasn’t a worry most people concerned themselves with.
Presuming everyone thinks like you may be a trait of an Enneagram One. I am fully aware not everyone thinks like me or like anyone else for that matter. Still, sometimes it takes me a moment to remember that truth.
Stillness
In addition to insanity over socks, stillness is a struggle. One of the podcasts I listened to had a guest that was asked, “What is the one thing you would recommend to Ones?” She responded that they should try to sit still for five minutes. Make sure they bring a phone or pad in order to take notes when they want to add to their list because if they get an idea they can’t write down they will not be able to sit. She said to allow yourself to jot your notes down, but just try to be still between epiphanies. I laughed out loud. In all honesty, part of me is very interested to meet a person who doesn’t struggle with stillness (unless I’m just falling into the trap of thinking everyone thinks like me).
Excuse Not to Meditate
This is the very reason I cannot meditate. There is an endless world of socks, to-do’s, and ideas of how to make the world a better place. In yoga I always feel squirmy when I know I’m supposed to settle into a pose. It’s not just that I find a pose uncomfortable. Being still is burdensome. I want to wiggle. I want to get into a position and then explore what it feels like to move in that pose. Rest and relaxation do not suit my nature, but I need them.
It’s no wonder I wrote a book called Keep Moving. But is meditation really for everyone? Maybe Ones need to be in subtle motion to fully meditate? I find walking, swimming, and Pilates all meditative at times. When I’m still my brain feels like a shaken snow globe. When I’m in motion I feel the snow begin to settle. Or perhaps that is just an excuse.
Pilates & Meditation
Even Joe Pilates advocated for stillness and mediation. When I went to the Pilate Source training at Jacob’s Pillow earlier this year, I learned that sometimes between each exercise Joe would cue stillness encouraging the body to go from a place of activation to a place of ease in a moment. He also had guided mediations he would take people through positioning them in a way that is even more comfortable than Shavasana in Yoga. Instead of resting with arms and legs straight on the floor, you place your arms behind your head and the soles of your feet together with your knees out, but propped up on an object like a foam roller. Even in a position I’m comfortable, I want to focus on mini-movements.
Maybe stillness is overrated? Afterall, as living creatures with breaths and heartbeats, we are never still. Movement is part of life. Movement signifies life.
Your Thoughts
Please weigh in? I’m confident there is no right answer here…most likely you are probably thinking the same thing. No, truly…is there a place for stillness? Can meditation involve movement? Do you find stillness easy or at least comfortable? If it is not to-do list land, what crazy town does your brain travel to when you try to be still? Is there anyone out there who finds meditation easy? And how do you feel about dirty socks?
Read More
If I’m going to meditate it seems easier with sea turtles. This blog will take you to a video I took showing me swimming with sea turtles.
Or watch me start to walk a labyrinth and then start to race around the labyrinth. This meditation thing has been a problem for years!
Doodling is movement and I do find that meditative. Click here to read about the Zentangle class the team at PE took.
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Let me put your mind at ease about one thing without getting into too much detail (though I could): you were a squirm-er before birth.
After birth you never wanted to miss a thing: you couldn’t nurse for more than 5 minutes in order to observe whatever was going on elsewhere, no naps for you (had to drive you around in order to get you to sleep (so that we could sit quietly – I’m a fan), you climbed everything for a better view (we had to be on our toes), you were very agile (you liked to suck your toes).
What I mean by this is that movement has always come naturally to you. Stillness not so much. The challenge of stillness bothers the perfectionist in you because you fight it/are not good at it/do not enjoy it. So the first thing I recommend is to try not to spend so much time thinking about how difficult it it. It’s just another challenge like any mountain you are willing to climb.
Start small – spend 5 minutes at a time concentrating on your breath. Put the timer on. Breathe in to a count of 4 slowly, and breathe out to a count of 4 slowly. Now when you think you want to check the timer because 5 minutes must have passed by now, resist the urge, and simply bring your thoughts back to your breath. Let me know how that goes for about a week, and I’ll give you another step.
I’m really eager for you to get to use your meditation room because I know once you WANT to you’ll figure out the temperature problem. Good Luck! OMMMMMMM
Having attempted what you suggest, I think it’s best if I start with 2 minutes. HA!
Hi Maggie,
From my experience in trying meditation myself over the years, I see that you are very normal, as I am, to find it very difficult to do. Our brains are constantly racing in thoughts, feelings and urges. Early last year I took a meditation class at the Copper Beach Institute, and realized again that it takes a lot of time of consistent practice to be able to meditate. You’re right, some people prefer to move while meditating–walking is popular. The idea is to allow ourselves time on a regular basis to just be present in what is happening right now. In the classes we practiced in several ways, including focusing on the breath, a body scan, and listening to sounds. Thoughts and urges and feelings always come and the challenge is to recognize them, feel them, accept them and allow them. The teacher at Copper Beach gave a description that stuck with me, saying “It is like we are a huge mountain and our thoughts are clouds slowly breezing (or storming, as in painful emotions) by.” After a while the mind can begin to see our thoughts and feelings more objectively and not get so caught up in doing something about them right away or letting them overwhelm us. We can “give the thoughts some space.” They don’t go away, but they inevitably change so we see them differently.
Since taking the class, I’m trying to develop more of a consistent practice, which is sketchy at best so far. The idea is to change our thinking and see it as a gift to ourselves, rather than something we have to feel stress about to fit into our day. That’s still a struggle for me. I am like you in that I prefer to move. So some (my goal is to make it each) early mornings just after I get up, pee and drink a glass of water, I go to my porch room and put down my mat. I go through whatever yoga and Pilates movements that feel right to me, breathing and moving at a comfortable pace, and ending with just lying in corpse pose for a short while. It does help me to relax and be able to focus for the day ahead. And I may also worry just a little less about finding that missing dirty sock!
Carol! Ha! You get me! Thanks for the response. I do like the cloud concept. Relate something to a mountain and I’ll feel connected! And the idea of being present is a meditative concept I like and can get behind. I, like you, enjoy getting on my mat and seeing where the moves take me. Ending in corpse pose is a nice touch.
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This is awesome. As your lifelong friend and someone who believes she knows you very very well, this both makes sense and surprises me about you. The personality type stuff – spot on, but the dislike for / inability to be still surprises me. I’ve seen you be still, or pause to ponder something (usually followed by a pretty profound or ridiculous/hilarious thought shared out loud) and you seem so in tune and at peace with that stillness.
I think you can meditate, you can be still…it’s just for very short blips in time. Your brain and nervous system and every other system just don’t need as long in a pose or a pause to get something out of it. Maybe you’re a micro-meditator or mini-meditator or speed-meditator (speditator?). Regardless, you’ve inspired me to be still for a moment and try to quiet my brain, focus on my breathing, put the random thoughts / strokes of genius (and the wacky ideas too) in a jar in my brain and JUST BE. At least that’s what a dog trainer for Milo once told us…Milo needs to learn how to just be. Maybe we need to learn the same thing.
Beth, This made me laugh out loud! Micro-meditation/spediation…I can get behind that!