My younger sister, stepmom, and I were flying to Dallas to visit my brother and sister-in-law and attend a baby shower for the first grandchild in my family.  We’d all be sharing a hotel room, so we discussed who would be sharing a bed in a room with two queen mattresses.

Cold at night, even in a Texas climate, my stepmom sleeps in many layers, including a cap.  But that doesn’t hinder your fellow sleepers.  She admitted to snoring, but a good snore you can hear from either bed.

My little sister basically sleeps like a rock, so she was the general winner in the group—the one everyone would want to sleep with.  However, though only I remember this, when we were little we’d sometimes sleep together and she would wake up covered in vomit, which I found repulsive.  She claimed she no longer vomited in her sleep and I tend to believe her.

It was determined I was the worst sleeping partner.  Sometimes while falling asleep, I twitch which can be off-putting to people.  I was told by my best friend on a cross country camping trip that I snuggle.  I’m a light sleeper and wake up and turn headphones on or a small headlamp and read to try to fall back to sleep.  That’s not great if the person next to you is also a light sleeper.  But what I’ve never lived down is a story from over a decade ago.

My boyfriend, Matt and I were dating.  It was early in our relationship.  And when you start dating, you tend to try and reign in all flatulence.  A vegetarian at the time, I worked diligently all day at the task.  Then one night I woke myself up with a bombastic bluster of air.  Matt was lying next time me.  “Do you know why you just woke up?” he asked me.

Sadly I did.  I had farted and woke myself up.

“Are you holding that in all day?” He wanted to know.

I was, with great effort.  “Stop doing that,” he ordered, providing me the freedom for me to fart with impunity.  The loosening of those reigns he’s never been able to tighten, but he has no sense of smell so it works for us.  Plus I’m not sure we would have lasted this long if I had to spend my days so uncomfortable that I erupted at night.

My little sister has fully functional olfactory glands.  “Do you still pass gas in your sleep?” she asked assessing whether she wanted to share a bed with me or her mother.

“I mean, I can’t say for sure it won’t happen.” I responded, waving all responsibility.

In the end, it was decided that I would sleep alone.

(Our plank stories are the stories I tell my classes while they hold a 90-second plank.)

Want to Read More?

The chicken walk to relieve gas.

Farting in Fitness Classes.

Another Plank Story: Afternoon Tea.

Still Another Plank Story: The Critter at my Door.

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