The third time I hop in the pool to train for my triathlon, I’m not fast. I’m not sure I’ll ever be fast. I was back up to 25-minutes again, but I definitely didn’t push myself as hard. Not because I couldn’t, but because I kept getting distracted. I’m the same way when I walk. I fall into a leisurely pace. I actually have to think, walk faster, walk faster, in order to walk faster or I naturally slow down. I’m not sure if speed walkers need a constant reminder to keep going. It’s the same thing with swimming for me. The second my mind wonders, my speed disappears. But my mind wanders a lot—from what I’m going to do in a class, to how cool Mark Twain is, to what I’ll eat later.

I think my exercise ADHD will hold me back from ever winning a race. And I’m totally okay with that.

Instead of speed, I worked on not touching the sides so that I don’t get that brief second of having a security blanket. I think I’ll be okay in the open water, even though everyone tells me that is what I should be nervous about. It’s the Long Island Sound—there aren’t big waves. I’m worried about the jelly fish but can’t do anything about that. In August it should be warm enough. What concerns me are all the other bodies that will be splashing and kicking. I can’t replicate that so I figure I’ll just stick to the outside of the swimmers.

I’d like to get one or two more swims in before the race because now the triathlon is serving a purpose. It’s getting me to train in a way I won’t afterward, having learned I don’t like swimming (although I might invest in some swimming lessons). It is good to know that something besides running could give me an intense workout. I don’t like the way it feels as much as running, but options are always good. And I’ve seen myself build a weird confidence. I’m a little embarrassed to swim in front of people since I know I don’t swim properly. Well, I attempted the crawl in the pool today and it didn’t feel half bad. It wasn’t totally out of confidence gained, but more out of necessity. Would this make swimming easier? I can see how it might if you know what you’re doing. Still, doing the crawl in public is not something I typically do.

Now, maybe I should start thinking about going for a bike ride. So far I’ve ridden leisurely twice this year—both under 12 miles (the total on race day).

Personal Euphoria